Tag Archives: Conditions and Diseases

Negative Feedback

19 Mar

By: Kyanna Kitt

We’ve all worked our asses off only to have the fruit of our labor thrown carelessly into the wind as if it didn’t mean a thing- we all unfortunately have been exposed to ‘harsh reality’ by way of negative feedback, but how exactly should we deal with it?

Mathematics has never been my strong point so going into my college years I knew that it would end up being another hurdle I’d have to find a way to hoist my stumpy (I am not kidding) little legs across. I sucked it up- fighting back the tears of my high school horror story. The bright colorful paper dressing the walls, big bubbly letters spelling out my greatest fear- the smell of freshly cut construction paper, wooden pencils and textbooks taking full ownership of the very air I inhaled violating my safety bubble and self-esteem. My teacher a tiny little southern woman smiling what seemed like a warm smile anticipating her torcher- dimple faced and all. She was standing menacingly behind thick trifocal glasses with a short gray buzz cut holding a stack of classwork packets. This would end up being war. Every word that came out of her mouth was foreign, I would scribble scratch and calculate for hours on end and no matter how much I tried I’d always get the wrong answer despite her ‘help’ my mind just wouldn’t click.

Ms.Kitt are you even trying to get the right answer? …. What do we know about blah blah blah…use the yada-yada property- My math teachers were never really understanding of my case and because of this fact I began to feel bad about myself. This poured over into other parts of my life. I began doing badly in other subjects, withdrawing from group activities and later skipping class all together. It seemed as if my situation was helpless. I didn’t know how to deal with her negative feedback; I didn’t know how to defend myself and more importantly I didn’t know how to be confident in myself. I would never believe someone if they told me about the person I’d be today. Here I am in my freshman year of college, the fifth term to be exact with a 100% A+ score in mathematics and a pretty decent 3.5 GPA. What could have happened between high school (2004-2008) and college (2013-present)? Not a heck of a lot of studying, I’ll tell you that.

You see, what happened was a change in character. As I grew older I grew more confident and self assured. I no longer search for validation in my teachers or felt bad for asking questions and not understanding. College helped me through that barricade that was stopping me from being the bright minded girl that I am. One of the first things I learned when I decided to continue my education is that nobody is smarter than anyone else. That includes your professors, you’re mentors, your idols- There is nobody out there that is better than you and your situation nor are you better than anyone else. Sound like a cliché crock of shit but guys swallow it down. Live it. Be that phrase. You are only as big as the person that you are and portray yourself to be. If you want to be strong be it. If you want to sing do it. If you want to be great be you and don’t let anyone deter you from achieving your goals.

I hope that you took something from this simple post and all that I ask it that somewhere this speaks to someone and that someone is reading this who is perhaps not in the best place emotionally and this sheds light onto them and gives them the strength to make positive changes towards a happy healthy life. Have you ever received negative feedback that impacted you in a big way? Leave your stories below.

Dream

19 Aug

Dream

 

I’ve been having euphoric dreams of bubbly clear ponds an d lush fields of green

and I saw a pretty boy singing with a mandolin-

he was sharing a song with a ripe colorful smuggish grin

 

when I walked and set foot into the pond I noticed dozens of shimmering fish,

casting light like mother of pearl and so I made a wish

 

I’d tell you what it was but that would defeat the purpose so…

I’ve locked this dream away in my closet and made a friend of the beau

 

I’ve made it my home I return to every night

to wash away the burden of my life of black and white

 

©copyright Kyanna Kitt

Bliss

18 Aug

I wish I could smile among birds of prey

I wish darkness never did meet light of day

I pray the fish will save me from a sea of monsters

I pray & wish to never owe debt to demon or monster

I dare believe in protection from he of the sky

I dare seek strength and courage for on the day I die,

I’ll walk amongst those faceless souls I never did meet

I’ll finally take part in the sea of evergreen

©copyright Kyanna Kitt

Prompt 3: Stigma

17 Aug

http://mindlovemisery.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/prompt-3-stigma/

Your blood work came back on Wednesday- Your thyroid levels are out of control- I see you’ve gained twenty pounds this last few days. What’s going on?” says Dr. Griffith inquisitively.

Well I’ve been eating right and exercising- Well I’ve been eating 200 calories a day, that’s the only way I can really control my weight,” I answer back truthfully.

Well you must have been eating something…” he responds in a scolding manner, as if I was an ignorant child.

Such is the life of a large person. Each person that is large gets large somehow, whether it be overeating, malnourishment, being sedentary, or even metabolic disorders, if you like me have hypothyroidism then you know exactly where I am coming from. All the Dr. Griffiths giving you holy hell [input] telling you about how you don’t exercise enough when you put in over 60 minutes each day- Or oh, let’s not forget your 200 calorie daily ‘allotment’ for food is ‘too much.’

Fat girls are jealous,” says someone as they sneer at you, this someone not even knowing what it feels like to starve or overexert yourself without results- Let alone skip a meal.

You need to stop sitting down all day,” says a guy who drinks a twelve pack a day and doesn’t know a bicep from his butt crack.

Now, I can only speak from my own “fat” female perspective. I think it’s terrible that as women, we not only have to meet the societal standards of being pretty, but we also have to be skinny, no matter what the costs. Our culture teaches us to do everything in our power to make it seem like there truly is a superiority rule in terms of fatness. Some social stigmas are simple caused be insecure, self-loathing individuals. People get mad when they see some who isn’t considered beautiful by most standards, walk with her head tall and confident because she knows she’s beautiful both inside and OUT.

In conclusion, next time a skeletal rat-faced pug-nosed bitch tries to tell you about how you’re a fatty just smile and say, “ Thank you, I’m glad to have gotten your attention.” And of course, DO NOT forget to flip your head to the side and giggle. Misery loves company.

XOXOXO Kyanna ♥

P.S: As I found myself skimming my literary journal and thinking about this topic scouring, and picking it apart I created this poem. This is for- me.

Beauty is Beautiful”

See not with thine eyes

but with thy spirit.

Dash away lust from your brain-

Bear witness to me,

brown skinned,

luscious woman.

Feel my words when I speak.

Know my intelligence.

Keep your chivalry with me.

Feel my beauty.

Embrace it.

Know me as I am.

Beautiful.

Journal Entry & Poem

24 Jul

So today was a bit rough for me. I woke up to more chores than usual and then continued my day as best I could only to get swamped with school work. Ten hours later I can safely say that the result of the day was just a terrible migraine. Could have been worse I suppose… And what better way to end the day than to utilize my already dry wilted brain by writing a poem. Or so I think…

I’ve been pressed to feel great annoyance today

I woke to filth, such an unpleasant thing-

Why is it every morning the sun rises we expect a new start

Lacking reason of and for purpose, such a befuddling thought…

I played music, I drew, and  played my guitar

I cooked, I wrote papers, then I lay bare in the budoir

These minuscule things torture my soul

Every tiny step methodically planned down to the beckon down to the toll

I bet to most this thought is crazy like me, I know

Just another repetitive day,

stressful and slow

Kyanna

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