Tag Archives: Mental health

Dream

19 Aug

Dream

 

I’ve been having euphoric dreams of bubbly clear ponds an d lush fields of green

and I saw a pretty boy singing with a mandolin-

he was sharing a song with a ripe colorful smuggish grin

 

when I walked and set foot into the pond I noticed dozens of shimmering fish,

casting light like mother of pearl and so I made a wish

 

I’d tell you what it was but that would defeat the purpose so…

I’ve locked this dream away in my closet and made a friend of the beau

 

I’ve made it my home I return to every night

to wash away the burden of my life of black and white

 

©copyright Kyanna Kitt

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The Dream of Aaron

19 Aug

The Dream of Aaron

Last night I dreamt a crazy dream. There were people, a lot of people. Looking around I realized we were in a school… I was walking to go to use the bathroom, conventionally located straight down the hall. When I got there, I noticed when I looked up that there was a sign that read ‘unisex restroom’ which didn’t make sense. Of course next to the text (darn my poor English!) on the left were two blue symbols, one male and of course the other female. As I went to use one I noticed the door was strange- It folded like paper caterpillar. You know, the ones we made in kindergarten? This was strange to me, so I stepped back and immediately a blonde girl brushed past me to rush into the bathroom stall. I of course went to another. Before I reached the stall closest to the back wall, this Indian guy, Dennis popped out of the one next door, in his right hand a vial and in the left was a syringe, He said in some way or another that he was using the drugs, he had obviously shot up.

»Flash to Reality: I am scared of drugs. Especially heroin, crack, cocaine, meth, pills- I’d never do them. I don’t like being around them. I just can not!«

He tried to put the needle in my arm. He tried to taint me. I ran back out the door from which I had came. Running, and running, by now there were what seemed like hundreds of people in the hall, and within a matter of seconds Dennis had quickly caught up to me grabbing me, pulling me by my arm- I slammed his face back crying hysterically.

Help me- Somebody help!,” I pleaded as I continued running trying to open one of locked classroom doors. It was like nobody could hear me. Everyone was talking, and going to wherever they were going all laughs and smiles. By the time I turned around Dennis was right there, he had me cornered.

No!,” I screamed trying to shove him away from me. That’s when magically he appeared- Aaron…red hair and all. He wouldn’t accept this. He stabbed him with the needle and sent the vial crashing into the floor. I immediately taking shelter behind him like a frightened child. His tall slender physique… I felt warm. I felt protected. He felt like home. The one I wish I always had….

When I woke, I broke free from fear…From silence, I broke free from phobia, paranoia, and corruption. I woke with something much worse. A sweet dull aching paint filled me, the same way it did the moment I knew he, in real life, would leave me. I wanted to cry. I just wanted to hate him in that moment, but in all my woman, I knew I could not. Dear Aaron, you hurt me in more ways than you will ever know. I pathetically am here scribbling into my journal… Should he appear before me in this very bed room I know I would never be able to utter not one word in protest.

Painfully Yours,

Kyanna

Insomnia

18 Aug

Insomnia

 

I slept with my phone in pocket

expecting a buzz or a toll

I lay half-woke with knowledge

and hope that you may

reach out to me even under circumstance

so confined…

maybe I slept with my phone in my pocket nor for reason

nor for rhyme

 

I lay with worry heavy head

thinking you’d be wondering

thinking you’d care

I slept with my phone in my pocket

while you slept without a care

 

maybe I’m weak

maybe for you I fall

but someday ill be fast asleep

without a wish that you’d call

 

©copyright Kyanna Kitt

Prompt 3: Stigma

17 Aug

http://mindlovemisery.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/prompt-3-stigma/

Your blood work came back on Wednesday- Your thyroid levels are out of control- I see you’ve gained twenty pounds this last few days. What’s going on?” says Dr. Griffith inquisitively.

Well I’ve been eating right and exercising- Well I’ve been eating 200 calories a day, that’s the only way I can really control my weight,” I answer back truthfully.

Well you must have been eating something…” he responds in a scolding manner, as if I was an ignorant child.

Such is the life of a large person. Each person that is large gets large somehow, whether it be overeating, malnourishment, being sedentary, or even metabolic disorders, if you like me have hypothyroidism then you know exactly where I am coming from. All the Dr. Griffiths giving you holy hell [input] telling you about how you don’t exercise enough when you put in over 60 minutes each day- Or oh, let’s not forget your 200 calorie daily ‘allotment’ for food is ‘too much.’

Fat girls are jealous,” says someone as they sneer at you, this someone not even knowing what it feels like to starve or overexert yourself without results- Let alone skip a meal.

You need to stop sitting down all day,” says a guy who drinks a twelve pack a day and doesn’t know a bicep from his butt crack.

Now, I can only speak from my own “fat” female perspective. I think it’s terrible that as women, we not only have to meet the societal standards of being pretty, but we also have to be skinny, no matter what the costs. Our culture teaches us to do everything in our power to make it seem like there truly is a superiority rule in terms of fatness. Some social stigmas are simple caused be insecure, self-loathing individuals. People get mad when they see some who isn’t considered beautiful by most standards, walk with her head tall and confident because she knows she’s beautiful both inside and OUT.

In conclusion, next time a skeletal rat-faced pug-nosed bitch tries to tell you about how you’re a fatty just smile and say, “ Thank you, I’m glad to have gotten your attention.” And of course, DO NOT forget to flip your head to the side and giggle. Misery loves company.

XOXOXO Kyanna ♥

P.S: As I found myself skimming my literary journal and thinking about this topic scouring, and picking it apart I created this poem. This is for- me.

Beauty is Beautiful”

See not with thine eyes

but with thy spirit.

Dash away lust from your brain-

Bear witness to me,

brown skinned,

luscious woman.

Feel my words when I speak.

Know my intelligence.

Keep your chivalry with me.

Feel my beauty.

Embrace it.

Know me as I am.

Beautiful.

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