Tag Archives: entry

Negative Feedback

19 Mar

By: Kyanna Kitt

We’ve all worked our asses off only to have the fruit of our labor thrown carelessly into the wind as if it didn’t mean a thing- we all unfortunately have been exposed to ‘harsh reality’ by way of negative feedback, but how exactly should we deal with it?

Mathematics has never been my strong point so going into my college years I knew that it would end up being another hurdle I’d have to find a way to hoist my stumpy (I am not kidding) little legs across. I sucked it up- fighting back the tears of my high school horror story. The bright colorful paper dressing the walls, big bubbly letters spelling out my greatest fear- the smell of freshly cut construction paper, wooden pencils and textbooks taking full ownership of the very air I inhaled violating my safety bubble and self-esteem. My teacher a tiny little southern woman smiling what seemed like a warm smile anticipating her torcher- dimple faced and all. She was standing menacingly behind thick trifocal glasses with a short gray buzz cut holding a stack of classwork packets. This would end up being war. Every word that came out of her mouth was foreign, I would scribble scratch and calculate for hours on end and no matter how much I tried I’d always get the wrong answer despite her ‘help’ my mind just wouldn’t click.

Ms.Kitt are you even trying to get the right answer? …. What do we know about blah blah blah…use the yada-yada property- My math teachers were never really understanding of my case and because of this fact I began to feel bad about myself. This poured over into other parts of my life. I began doing badly in other subjects, withdrawing from group activities and later skipping class all together. It seemed as if my situation was helpless. I didn’t know how to deal with her negative feedback; I didn’t know how to defend myself and more importantly I didn’t know how to be confident in myself. I would never believe someone if they told me about the person I’d be today. Here I am in my freshman year of college, the fifth term to be exact with a 100% A+ score in mathematics and a pretty decent 3.5 GPA. What could have happened between high school (2004-2008) and college (2013-present)? Not a heck of a lot of studying, I’ll tell you that.

You see, what happened was a change in character. As I grew older I grew more confident and self assured. I no longer search for validation in my teachers or felt bad for asking questions and not understanding. College helped me through that barricade that was stopping me from being the bright minded girl that I am. One of the first things I learned when I decided to continue my education is that nobody is smarter than anyone else. That includes your professors, you’re mentors, your idols- There is nobody out there that is better than you and your situation nor are you better than anyone else. Sound like a cliché crock of shit but guys swallow it down. Live it. Be that phrase. You are only as big as the person that you are and portray yourself to be. If you want to be strong be it. If you want to sing do it. If you want to be great be you and don’t let anyone deter you from achieving your goals.

I hope that you took something from this simple post and all that I ask it that somewhere this speaks to someone and that someone is reading this who is perhaps not in the best place emotionally and this sheds light onto them and gives them the strength to make positive changes towards a happy healthy life. Have you ever received negative feedback that impacted you in a big way? Leave your stories below.

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Prompt 8: Cliché

20 Aug

Prompt 8: Cliché

The apple never falls far from the tree,” says the poor woman of her child.

Even in her youth

filling her mind with

the same rubbish most hear

others speak upon their worst enemy.

Even taking her journals

and them away

Taking the books she read

as if the meant nothing

and banning them from her-

It isn’t worth it- you’ll be just like me,”

she said fold a hot basket of clothes-

What children aren’t told is they

don’t have to be like anyone.

Not even mommy and daddy.

Read your books-

Write your journals,

One day you’ll be a great

writer and will have all the things that were

decided for me not to have,”

she should say.

I remember a book we made

back in grade school on the old colored puzzle carpet-

The one I had vomited on so many times before.

Anyways, I digress. I remember the letters and reading the stories I read-

I’ve had but one still dream and it remains.

Despite what they say,

I am my mothers child.

But I am not my mother.

©copyright Kyanna Kitt

I asked

18 Aug

I asked

 

I asked for a whisper,

and that was in vain.

I couldn’t beg you to utter or even murmur my name.

I asked for a wish,

this I swear to be true-

one that I’d use or better waste on you.

I asked for an embrace,

but it just would not have been fair.

because I’m always here, you’re never there.

I asked for acknowledgement,

that was just far too much.

I would dare ask for a kiss, let alone a touch.

Since everything I ask is a daunting task,

never will I bother again, though the yearning is true-

I will not ask to become a part of you.

 

©copyright Kyanna Kitt

Bliss

18 Aug

I wish I could smile among birds of prey

I wish darkness never did meet light of day

I pray the fish will save me from a sea of monsters

I pray & wish to never owe debt to demon or monster

I dare believe in protection from he of the sky

I dare seek strength and courage for on the day I die,

I’ll walk amongst those faceless souls I never did meet

I’ll finally take part in the sea of evergreen

©copyright Kyanna Kitt

Journal Entry & Poem

24 Jul

So today was a bit rough for me. I woke up to more chores than usual and then continued my day as best I could only to get swamped with school work. Ten hours later I can safely say that the result of the day was just a terrible migraine. Could have been worse I suppose… And what better way to end the day than to utilize my already dry wilted brain by writing a poem. Or so I think…

I’ve been pressed to feel great annoyance today

I woke to filth, such an unpleasant thing-

Why is it every morning the sun rises we expect a new start

Lacking reason of and for purpose, such a befuddling thought…

I played music, I drew, and  played my guitar

I cooked, I wrote papers, then I lay bare in the budoir

These minuscule things torture my soul

Every tiny step methodically planned down to the beckon down to the toll

I bet to most this thought is crazy like me, I know

Just another repetitive day,

stressful and slow

Kyanna

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